Thursday, May 24, 2012

Please excuse me for being blunt but I don't think there is a very polite way to say that Annabelle's older brother, Phillip, is a total menace.

On our way in this morning, Phillip pushed right by my mom and me and stormed into the infant room. He didn't even take his shoes off before he stole a bouncy ball from Conor and started kicking it around the room. When he ran to retrieve it, he almost knocked Conor and me over as we made eyes at one another on the padded mat.

Maybe it's time for the Pre-K room to switch to decaf.

My mom tried to tell me goodbye and that she loved me (we're super close) but Phillip kept interrupting her to tell her that his mom bought him a new basketball shirt. Boooooring! Then, he walked over to Annabelle and told my mom that she was his baby. I caught Annabelle blushing in embarrassment, even though my mom told him that he seemed like a very good big brother.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Mommy and Me

Over the weekend, the learning center hosted a Mommy and Me Day. I guess the invite list was pretty exclusive because only Nia, Stupid Connor (SC) and I attended. Miss Erica helped us make a few crafts - good thing, too, because my mom and I are not the best with a glue stick. The petals we were supposed to stick to our construction paper were so delicious that I hid a few in my chair so that I could snack on them later.

As we infants shared some Cheerios and puffs, our moms' conversation turned to our recent school photos and the most amazing thing happened. SC's mom told the other moms that her baby has the biggest, goofiest head in the whole classroom. Because my mom is a lady at all times, she told SC's mom that SC has a very expressive face but I have a feeling that what she meant to say was, "Good luck, lady. Sloth, there, is going to be living at home with you until he's 45."

 
My school photo
 
Stupid Connor's school photo

  

Saturday, May 19, 2012

We are the 99%

The NATO Summit in Chicago this weekend has brought innumerable protesters to town. To show solidarity with our brethren on the streets, those of us in the infant classroom decided we would all have a simultaneous breakdown at 5:15, when our parents came to pick us up from the learning center.

Much like the protesters downtown, our message wasn't completely focused. I was protesting my recently extended tummy time. Molly was protesting that she was forced to wear pants, instead of dresses, while she learned to crawl. Ben was protesting the lack of backup pacifiers in the classroom (duh). Stupid Connor was protesting the extra 'n' in his name. I think Annabelle just wanted to get out of the swing but she might have needed a diaper change.

I deserve so much better than this!

Also like the NATO protesters, our voices went pretty much unheard. One by one, we were shuttled off by our parents with the promise of snack time or a fun weekend when we got home, as if they think they can hold us down forever with Cheerios and sunny trips to the zoo.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Stranger Danger

Let's face it, Miss Miho is tops.  She has a sweet, soft voice and super cute outfits. This morning, Miss Erica pulled my mom aside (less than discreetly, I might add) to let her know that I'm not doing so well with "new" people, like the class picture photographer and the student teacher in our room. Basically, when I meet someone new who doesn't impress me, it takes nothing less than the sight of Miss Miho's leggings to calm me down.

Maybe if more people were like Miss Miho, I'd like more people. We all have our favorites. What can I say? Currently, very few people meet my high standards. Call it a phase, if you will, but I think my selective nature is going to serve me well as I grow up

Besides, hasn't Miss Erica seen "I Know My First Name is Steven" I think small screen star Corin Nemec would agree that a little bit of stranger danger never hurts. 

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Barf

Can we all agree that it is gross when society acts like incest is adorable? Check out the line that Zulily is trying to tempt me with today.





You're dating your own mom? Why would you brag about that?

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Maybe the park is a little too inclusive

On sunny days, my mom and dad take me to the park after they pick me up from the learning center. If you've never been to a park, take my word for it, they are awesome. Today, I had a carrot snack picnic, tried the slide and played on the swings. Everyone loves the swings but, if you'll allow me to brag for a moment, I'm probably better at swinging than anyone else in the whole neighborhood. 

There really is something at the park for everyone but I wish it could be a little more exclusive. For example, I'm not sure that the three fifty-somethings who were wearing lab coats and laying under the lamppost smoking really belonged so close to the playground. Not only is their nasty habit bad for my pink little lungs but I think we can all agree that this behavior is just plain creepy. I mean, the park isn't even near a lab. 

Totally mastering the swing. Totally sneezing from the smoke.
Totally photo bombed by that broad in the green.

Monday, May 14, 2012

It's like The Lord of the Flies in there

Is that Jack and Roger I see over there? Because one of the biguns in the toddler room actually bit Mackenzie today. What?!? Who does that?!? This is serious. I thought Miss Muriel was supposed to be teaching those kids to sit still through their fruit salad and use zippers. It turns out she's just throwing a conch in the middle of the reading circle and looking the other way for about eight hours a day.

This is pretty much what happens anytime
Miss Muriel takes a bathroom break.
It's a good thing I got my first tooth this weekend. I only have seven months before I move to the toddler room, myself. I'll need to begin my training, soon.

Friday, May 11, 2012

¿Dónde está Miss Lydia?

Miss Lydia was everything we fear about going to daycare. She was bossy and mean and sat in a chair all day instead of playing with the pre-kindergarten kids. The oversized black hoodie she wore everyday was reason enough to make me start filling out paper work for a transfer to a new center when I turn four.

One day, on my way into the learning center, I overheard Molly's older brother, Aiden, tell Miss Lydia she had a big bootie. He didn't even get in trouble for it because it was totally true and totally hilarious. My mom and I tried not to laugh, because we are ladies at all times, but we exchanged a knowing glance for sure.

Even Sir Mix-A-Lot can't get "behind" Miss Lydia.
Miss Lydia hasn't been at the learning center in two weeks. I haven't asked around about her because I'm worried that if I do, I'll jinx it and find out that she's just on vacation in Cabo or something. If I can play it cool and ride it out, I feel like I might never have to see her again. Cross your fingers, everybody!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

You might want to rethink this one, Mom

What kind of jerk mom makes black bottom cupcakes and doesn't let her baby have one? I'm so sure Miss Erica, Miss Miho and Miss Megan will even appreciate them.

This was a pretty risky move three days before Mother's Day. It will not be forgotten. 

No worries. I hope you don't mind getting up at 4am Sunday, Mom.


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Life ins't a BORINGstain Bears book, Kendall

Did Kendall really show up this morning in her pajamas? I know moms and dads run late sometimes but how long does it take to put on a fresh pair of pants and a clean t-shirt? It makes me wonder if she even changed her diaper before coming to the learning center. Seriously, what is going on in the toddler room that makes everyone think it is appropriate to walk around looking like Mama from the Berenstain Bears all day?

Be honest. Have you ever seen Mama Bear go anywhere in actual clothes?

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Happy Teacher Appreciation Week

A very happy Teacher Appreciation Week to Miss Erica, Miss Miho and Miss Megan. To pamper our teachers, the parents at the learning center provided coffee and donuts this morning. Apparently, they have some other tricks up their sleeves, as well. I certainly hope so because donuts aren't really a gift and coffee is pretty much free, as long as you have access to a bank lobby anywhere in the United States. You might as well give them a handful of Brach's hard candy.

I'm expecting something a little more along the lines of fresh,
French pastries when it is time to appreciate me.

The weird thing is, I reviewed the calendar several times and I haven't been able to locate the dates for Infant Appreciation Week. I know it has to exist because none of these people would have anyone to teach without us. Maybe it is supposed to be a surprise.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Strep Throat Epidemic

Please see below for a note from the learning center's Director, Fatbardha. For the record, in conversation, she drops the "Fat" and just goes by "Bardha". Smart move.

This is just fantastic news - two cases of strep throat right before picture day! I'm crossing my fingers (you know, because I have the dexterity to do that) that I don't have to miss my glamour shots on Wednesday. Why am I not surprised that this epidemic came from the toddler room?


Keep that toddler away from my bears and dolls.
They don't want her nasty virus any more than I do.

Dear Parents and Guardians -

We have had 2 cases of Strep Throat in our center; one case in the toddlers’ classroom and one case in our preschool classroom.Common symptoms (generally) include high fever and the only way to diagnose is by a throat swab test by the doctor. While we will be taking extra precautions at school to minimize the spread of this "strep throat," we ask that parents PLEASE have children stay home if they exhibit high fever. We also recommend that sick students stay home until the doctor relieves them to get back to the center.   We genuinely appreciate all parents' efforts to help us minimize the spread of this "virus" and restore the general health of the student body.

Sincerely,
Fatbardha

Friday, May 4, 2012

Farewell, Mackenzie

Today was Mackenzie's last full day in the infant room. She begins her transition to the toddler room (gross) on Monday. As she moves on to the next phase in her life, I find myself reflecting on our relationship.

When I first met Mackenzie, she seemed very cold. She was already crawling and much more interested in playing with the likes of Kendall and Molly than some little 12 week old baby who couldn't even roll from back to front. She pretty much ignored me and her mom, Vicki (that's right, with an "i"), pretty much ignored my mom.

It became clear I was dealing with a couple of queen bees, here. Vicki and Amanda (Molly's mom) pretty much run the center's parents' group and it was obvious that their daughters were following in their footsteps.

As I grew up a little and assured Mackenzie I wasn't going anywhere, she warmed up to me quite a bit. When I started using the Rainforest Jumperoo and she was starting to walk, she even approached me for some eye-level playtime. She must have been babbling about me at home, because her mom finally introduced herself to my mom (nice manners) and started warming up, too. It turns out that Vicki is really friendly and must have just been too busy to say "Hi" (for six weeks).


The Rainforest Jumperoo - bringing infants together one bounce at a time

In the following days, Mackenzie showed her approval by taking my bag from my cubbie, trying to walk off with my bottles and stealing my mom's shoes every day at drop-off and pick-up. It was clear that my mom and I were the place to be. Mackenzie wanted everything that we had. One day, she climbed into my carrier in an attempt to get my mom to take her home with us. Smooth move, Mackenzie, smooth move. 

I wouldn't say that Mackenzie and I became besties, but we've certainly grown to appreciate each other and what we have to offer to the classroom.  Her presence will be missed in the infant room.


Thursday, May 3, 2012

Time to drive your Prius to Baby Gap

Nia has two moms, which is completely unfair because some of us only get one. Unfortunately, having two moms does not mean having twice the fashion sense. 

I understand that most days, a pants/onesie combo from Carters is the king of comfort. Today, however, was not most days. It was nearly 90 degrees in Chicago. Can one of those moms please buy poor Nia a sundress? 

I've selected a few options that are soft, non-itchy, not overly girlie (if that's the issue) and on sale Baby Gap right now. I expect to see Nia in something new by Monday.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The hotness

Why, yes, we did have a stylist come to our classroom today. Thank you for asking. What other reasonable explanation is there for my mom dropping me off like this


and picking me up looking like Ed Grimley?



On the plus side, I got a score of 8.5 on the daycare's "Hot or Not" site. So my look wasn't a complete fail.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

That pacifier totally makes you look like a baby

Listen, we all think Ben is cute. If he was a few weeks younger, he might even be my type. You can't say "no" to those big, blue eyes. Let's get real, though. The pacifier has got to go. He's TEN months old, for God's sake!

I've known Ben for nearly four months and I've never seen him go without the thing for over 30 seconds. I don't think I've even seen him eat or take a bottle in all that time. That thing is always in his mouth. When he can't find his own, he just takes one from someone else. Once, I caught him with my old lilac pacifier corking his cry-hole. Fine with me. I'm six months old. I certainly don't have any use for it anymore.

This afternoon, Ben lost his pacifier and there wasn't another one to be found within a six inch radius.  He completely lost.his.shit. Miss Megan had to stop bubble time until she could calm him down. Eventually, he just had to be put down for a nap. It was embarrassing for everyone involved. None of us could look him in the eye when his dad came to pick him up at the end of the day.

Way to creep me out, Miss Erica

When she remembers, Miss Erica puts together a monthly newsletter about the goings on in the Bugs classroom. March's newsletter, which came out mid-April, was a mixed bag. While I wasn't featured in any of the photos, I was excited to see that my boyfriend, Conor (with one "n"), made the cut. I only wish someone could make the photos look a little bit less like they were taken from a van across the street.