Vacation's when you go somewhere and you don't ever come back.

Mackenzie is on vacation this week. The lady in me would like you to know that Mackenzie is, of course, very missed and will be welcomed back next week with extended minutes of cheers.

But since no one is around to take my Duplos out of retribution, I'll take off my lady hat and put on my honesty scarf (much more fashionable, anyway). That's right, I'm finally saying it. 

I'm glad that Mackenzie isn't here this week. I do not miss her. The only kids who miss her are the kids who like being pushed out of line for the water fountain, who like being told they can't sit in certain chairs at meals, and who like having their cupcakes stolen at special events, like the two year old room Valentine's Day party. In other words, no one misses her. Like, at all.

Of all the times in my life I've wished Mrs. Gump was right,
I wish she was right the most this week.

After school every day, I tell my parents elaborate stories about my day. I always include the nasty things Mackenzie did and for some reason, those dumb dumbs keep asking, "Is Mackenzie your friend?" They remind me that I don't have to be friends with people who are mean to me, but they clearly don't understand two year old politics.

I have two and a half years of smiling to Mackenzie's face left. When she goes to the Catholic kindergarten and I attend a neighborhood school, she'll be some other kid's problem. In the meantime, the best way to beat a bully is to not let the bully beat you. I will be holding my head high next week, Mackenzie. Look out!

I do "Arts" not "Crafts"

We're learning about feelings in the two year old room this week. Miss Carmen cut out some construction paper and encouraged us to make "Happy" faces.

When my mom came to pick me up, among a wall of cheesy, smiling visages, she saw this. It was promptly and proudly hung on our refrigerator.

I won't be told how to feel.

Update: Found!!!

My missing Darth Vader was recovered. Mr. Michael told my mom that Darth Vader was found in the bin with Mr. Potato Head and his bucket of farts parts.

Okay, whatever, Mr. Michael. I know you took him home for a couple of weeks to hang out with your Bow action figure. For now, I'll turn a blind eye, since I got him back. Don't let it happen again.



Oh, yeah, totally. I can absolutely see how
a Sith Lord could get lost in here.
 

I hope you like Jingle Bells

because if you go to the learning center holiday concert, you're going to hear it three times. Yes, it is the easiest song on Earth to remember but I know a great song about snow that I would have happily performed if I knew everyone was going to be singing the same thing. Honesty, though, song selection was the least of our problems.

In the past, the youngest kids who participated were the two year olds. This year, in a bold and brave move, the toddlers were allowed to perform. Total disaster. All they had to do was shake something that kind of made a jingling sound while their background accompaniment (a tape made circa 1992) played a short and sweet version of Jingle Bells. Somehow, they still couldn't hack it.

Gavan didn't even make it to the stage (which was really just the circle time carpet from the two year old room) before he started balling and walked away to sit on his mom's lap. She ended up getting up to dance with him. Annabelle is the oldest in the room and should be expected to bring her A game, or at least be a good example for the others. Instead, she decided to lie on the floor and roll around. Ryan surprisingly gave a command performance. Not only did he stand still and face the audience but he also did the appropriate dance moves at the appropriate time. His mom is pregnant, so I think Ryan was trying to remind her that she should still love him after the new baby comes.

The two year old room was a little more mature about the whole production. We crafted hand-made reindeer hats and sang three songs (only one of them was Jingle Bells). While I did leave the stage at one point to greet my parents, I certainly wasn't crying.

I should have known that someone as fabulous as me
could never really blend in. Oh well, worth a try.

Is that Linda McCartney I see over there?
 

By the end of the show, even I couldn't sit still.
Sometimes, you just gotta dance.

 

There isn't much to say about the preschool kids. They were "eh" for me. I couldn't tell what their construction paper hats were supposed to be and I didn't find it necessary to hear every.single.verse. of Feliz Navidad droned by a bunch of drowsy three to five year olds.

The bright spot in the evening was the extensive snack table that was set up in the back of the room. After the show and photo ops, I got to have a piece of chocolate cake AND a cup of juice before going home for dinner.

Upon my arrival at home, I politely asked my mom to put my stuffed eggplant in the garbage and give me cookies and crackers in its place. Apparently, that doesn't fly in my house, but I'm going to keep pushing for a vote in meal planning over the holiday season.

Neither shown nor told

This is my Darth Vader action figure. I'm sharing him with you today because he is my favorite character from my favorite book, The Star Wars Storybook.

His character is brave and mysterious. His action figure is tough. I have not been able to bite his head off, despite multiple attempts.

Darth Vader is the father of one of my feminist role models, Senator Leia Organa, and his dedication to his cause, The Dark Side, makes him a good role model, too. He is better than Luke Skywalker because he takes action, instead of just whining all the time. It was easy to bite Luke Skywalker's head off of his action figure.

You may pass him around and touch his cape. You do not need to be gentle (remember, he is tough). Please do not try to eat his awesome red light saber, though.

 

 

. . . is what I would have said if I had actually participated in Show and Tell. Instead, I brought my Darth Vader action figure to school, sat with him a breakfast, lost him sometime during the day, silently listened to the four kids in the Two's room who remembered their treasured items, and lied to my mom about my presentation.

Thanks a lot, Miss Nydia, for narcing me out to my mom and telling her that I didn't even let you know that I brought something to school today. Thank you, too, for not helping me find my lost action figure, even though you didn't know he was present that day in the first place.

I intend to ask my mom about Darth Vader every day until she finds him. I keep telling her that I left him in Adrian's bag but it isn't true. It's just part of the game. If you think I'll disclose his true location here, where my mom could read it, you've clearly lost your mind.

Message received, Mackenzie

When most see a fellow two-year-old having a rough drop off, they try to help. They offer a toy, a snack, or a hug. Mackenzie is clearly out to set herself apart from the rest.

I didn't sleep well last night and was disinterested in letting my mom go when we arrived at the learning center. Breakfast was being served at a big, open table where only one kid, Mackenzie, was sitting.

My mom suggested that I could sit by Mackenzie and have a snack. It was worth a try. As soon as I sat down, though, Mackenzie stood up and moved one chair away. Naturally, I got up and moved closer to her. She stood up and moved away again. So, again, I got up and moved closer to her.

After one more attempt, my mom suggested that it might be fun just to sit at the same table as Mackenzie, even if we weren't right next to each other. My mom and I have a very different idea of fun.

Making the best of a rainy Thursday

We can certainly all agree that the rain put a damper on everyone's Halloween plans yesterday, no?

The learning center had to cancel our annual trip to trick-or-treat at the retirement home down the street. All of the children cried "Boo hoo! We want to eat Werther's Original, too!" 

In the end, it was for the best. We had a great party in the toddler room (I brought the string cheese) and I don't think anyone at the retirement home would have gotten Gavan's Marty McFly costume, anyway. Annabelle was, predictably, dressed as some Disney princess. Ryan was something with a cape and fake muscles. I don't even know if Blake was there or not. Maybe he went as Mr. Invisible. I owned the day with my Senator Leia Organa ensemble.

Please, don't call me "Princess."

After school, I went trick-or-treating in the neighborhood near my dad's train station. I received plenty of accolades for my costume but I'll admit the whole night fell apart when I saw a 12 year old boy in a scary clown mask. Game over. No thanks! No time! Even after he took off his mask to show me that it was all pretend, I could not be comforted. Besides, it was starting to rain again and time to go home.

Even though I'm the one who did all of the work, I was only allowed one "fun" sized Three Musketeers bar as my dessert. I suspect my parents ate everything else after I went to bed. Kind of a rip off, since they didn't even wear costumes, but whatever.

Now, after a month of birthday parties, visitors, and Halloween, I'm looking forward to settling into a cool, relaxing November. Time to curl up with some lukewarm cocoa and catch up on all of the Dr. Suess I've been meaning to read this fall.