You've been warned.

For the record, Miss Nydia is a total rat. Yesterday at pickup, she told my mom that I've been hitting. More specifically, she told my mom that I've been walking around the playground saying, "Smack, smack, smack," telling future victims, "I'm going to hit you," and then following through with my threat. Whatever. If you don't want to get hit, get out of my way. You've been warned.

Miss Nydia's photo from
the learning center's composite

My sucker mom thinks this is a cry for positive attention, since my routine has been a little off this week. She is rewarding my smacking with the promise of a special activity tomorrow but told me she had to do "some research" and that it would be a surprise.

I have to assume I'm finally being enrolled in that Ronda Rousey
toddler training camp I'm been hinting about.

Penis

So, apparently, boys have penises and penises are private.

This is

1. The reason I'm not allowed to dump and reorganize all of the Q-Tips in the bathroom while my dad pees.
2. The funniest thing I have ever heard in my entire life.

Now that I have this crucial information, anytime I'm in public with my mom, I make sure to ask her, "What do boys have?" Then, I laugh and laugh and laugh at her response.

Penises, you guys.

My glorious reign has come to an end

I've received A LOT of mail asking where I've been lately. To put it politely, the answer is "in mourning."

You see, my family has decided to expand. I am no longer the precious baby of the family. My aunties have given me cousins.

Ummmmm, thanks?

My cousins, we'll call them The Mare and Piglet (because he is pink and loves pigs, not because he is a chunkster), are fine but they require an awful lot of attention that used to go to me.

Wow. Congratulations on learning to social smile and everything, Mare and Piglet.
Excuse me while I run to have your trophies engraved.

 

It's kind of hard for everyone to watch me bust my mad ballet skills or listen to me sing the chorus of Joan Jett's "I Love Rock n Roll" when they're feeding infants who STILL haven't learned to eat off of a plate at the table.

I guess the good news is that I'm going to have the opportunity to mold the future. I'm pretty sure these impressionable youths are going to learn a lot from me. The Mare even goes to the learning center with me, now. I am taking personal responsibility for letting her know that Miss Erica's fashion sense is NOT okay.