Fancy feast

If you're too old to remember a time when you found flip flops to be a culinary delight, let me refresh your memory. To an infant, the bottom of a flip flop is like warm goat cheese and red pepper spread - comforting and spicy.

The average infant finds these items equally appealing

I generally try to stick to my own parents' footwear. Think of it like buying from a local farmer. I value knowing where my food came from. Other infants aren't as discriminating, though, and have been known to make a run for any shoe, sandal or snow boot that any parent takes off when they enter the classroom.

This morning, my mom went through the usual routine at drop off. She took off my jean jacket, put my lunch in the fridge and stocked my cubbie with extra onesies. When she turned around, Ben and I were standing over Conor, who won the race to my mom's flip flops.

Fair is fair. Conor got to my mom's shoes first and totally had the right to bite the straps and lick the bottom. I think he crossed a line, however, when he spit up all over the left flop. Gross. I'm so sure my mom wants to walk around sticking to his Up and Up brand formula goo for the rest of the day. The tissue Miss Erica gave her might have removed the physical offense, but my mother will have to carry the shame in her memory for the rest of her life.