Beep Beep! Introducing the newest infant

If the Social Security Administration's annual list of most popular baby names was any indication, you'd think the parents of the world were getting their act together.

Sophia, Isabella, Emma, Olivia and Ava (the top five names for girls in 2011) are beautiful, classic names that will stand the test of time and serve those who wear them well. Sure, by the time you get to the 21st most popular name, you're in Brooklyn territory, but overall, baby names seem to be making sense again.

So I'm sure you can understand my surprise when Lexus rolled into the infant room this morning. Take a moment, if you need to, because I said Lexus, not Alexis. Even though she already has her ears pierced, Lexus is actually a really lovely 12 week old. Her parents, Julie and Jeff, seem totes normal, too. They aren't even high school students, as their daughter's name would suggest.

Why would Julie and Jeff do this to their baby? Is naming your child after a luxury item supposed to convince the rest of us that the child is of high stature? If so, someone should tell them that Lexi are made by the same people who make Toyotas, so they can't be that fancy. They aren't even European.

You wouldn't name your daughter Celica, would you?
Wait. Don't answer that.

For better or for worse, parents can name their babies whatever they want. I just think it might be a good idea for some people to let the drugs wear off before signing the birth certificate. 18 years from now, someone is going to have to write Lexus on a college application. 23 years from now, Lexus will be on a resume. 28 years from now, she will be saying the words, "I, Lexus, take you, Hermes". 30 years from now, she'll be naming her daughter Jane.